Night Terrors...

7/16/2010

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As a parent Night Terrors and Nightmares in your child can be one of the scariest things you experience. As a single parent, it was terrifying. Running to the bedroom of my screaming child, who was thrashing back and forth in bed, face screwed up in pain, tears streaming down her little face- my first thought was what’s wrong!? At first I do what I usually did when she woke at night crying, talked to her and asked her what was wrong. She didn’t answer me, just cried louder and started holding her head with her hands. So, out of sheer panic I picked her up, took her out to the kitchen, put her on the bench and tried to find out what was wrong with her. She kept holding her ears so I asked her “Bubba, does your ear hurt”, all she would do was cry louder. I had no idea what to do, part of me thought, what if she really does have a sore ear? So I gave her some neurofen, heated her wheat pack and laid her down in bed with the heat pack near her ear. It took her about 10 minutes to slip back away into sleep, boy was it quiet then! 

My heart goes out to any parent who has to experience that with their child, it is heart breaking, scary, confusing stuff! Being alone and not having anyone to bounce ideas of or offer support was the hardest thing for me. I couldn’t help but to think, what if she is really ill and I should be taking her to the hospital, instead I am putting her back to sleep. How will this affect her? Will she be psychologically scarred because of it? I decided to do some research on it, just to clarify what happened and so I will have a better idea of what to do next time, IF, it happens.  

What’s the difference between Nightmares and Night Terrors? 

Nightmares occur during REM sleep, which means a lot of Nightmares occur in the wee hours of the morning. Children are normally awake, frightened and easily consolable. They are conscious of your presence and respond to stimuli, such as questions. With a little comfort they will usually go back to sleep.

Night Terrors are what ‘they’ call a non-REM sleep disorder, which means that they usually happen within the first few hours of your child falling asleep. Usually children forget having the Night Terror. During a Night Terror children are stuck in the place between fully awake and fully asleep. 

The best part is that you can rest assured that in both cases there are usually no long-term psychological effects.  

What should you do when your child has a Nightmare or Night Terror? 

With Nightmares children are usually calmed down by some reassurance, a hug, maybe even a glass of warm milk or a hot chocolate. The child may remember the Nightmare the next day so it also helps to talk about it with them. Never shame them or put them down for being scared. Reassure them that fear is a natural response to have to something that they don’t understand or that confuses them. Help this find ways of coping with there unease- Having a favourite toy with them, putting a battery powered night-light on, maybe playing some soft music.  

Night Terrors are a bit harder to handle, I feel, as a parent as you don’t have the satisfaction of being able to comfort your child back to sleep. It’s best to make sure they are out of harms way, they can thrash and move about quite a lot so ensure anything they may be able to hurt themselves on is put away. Gentle restraint from an embrace is often helpful, although if the child gets violent it is best to just sit by the bed and let them flail, making sure they don’t hurt themselves. If you aren’t going to stay with your child make sure all doors and windows are l.o.c.k.e.d! An interesting thing I read was that the more you try to wake your child the longer the episode *may* take, don’t try and wake your child, understand that they are not hurting, they wont remember this in the morning and let them drift back to sleep themselves.  

Can Nightmares and Night Terrors be prevented? 

Nightmares may be alleviated by spending quiet time, reading to your child or giving them a gentle massage. Try to ensure any activity you do with them about an hour before bed is a calming one. No television, no vigorous exercise.  

Night Terrors may be alleviated by ensuring a tight bedtime routine with a consistent bedtime. Some parents report that by waking their child 10 or 15 minutes before the Night Terrors usually start and getting them a drink, taking them to the toilet or just giving them a kiss and a cuddle is enough to disturb the routine of the brain and stop it from getting stuck between awake and sleep. Doctors usually recommend 4 or 5 nights of this to help break the cycle.  

Of course if symptoms persist seek further medical advice as medication may be an option.  

I know I broke a lot of rules with regards to Night Terrors, I moved my child, I sat her on a bench, I tried to wake her- at least next time I’ll know to make her room safe and let her be. I don’t think I’d be able to make myself leave the room, I’d want to be there for her, the comfort and reassurance of seeing her back in sleep-ful bliss would be what I needed to lull myself to sleep- conscious knowledge that she is OK.  

As we speak my little Night Terror victim has woken up, not a care in the world, completely oblivious to the horrors of last night- ready to face another day. She is looking forward to the chocolate cake she is getting this afternoon for her Foz’s birthday! 

Until Next Time,

Soul Mum xo

* Sources: www.chw.edu.au
                 www.nightterrors.org
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The Value of Money

7/13/2010

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I follow a group on Facebook that recently had a question- “What's the going rate for pocket money? And do your kids have to do jobs to earn it?”

I, of course, put my five cents worth in but a lot of mothers seemed to not agree with me. So I thought I would elaborate.

My daughter is {almost} three, though you would easily mistake her for a four year old- I attribute that to her being an only child! I’m big on rewards charts, though I try not to make a big thing of it, sometimes she is content with a high five and a ‘that’s great’ rather than doing the whole sticker on a chart thing- I’m glad that at times that is more gratifying to her. I like to reward her, not always in a materialistic way, when she does really well with picking up her toys, using her manners, brushing her teeth and helping around the house, but again it is not a frequent thing. Recently I was trying to find a way to start teching her about money so at the end of the week Hilary has been getting 50 cents to go in her piggy bank if she has had a really good week, which is pretty much every week as she is really responsive to praise and stickers!

As soon as I wrote helping.around.the.house as being a ‘chore’ she got a sticker for, some mothers flipped. Ok, so I exaggerate, but they did dig their nails in! I believe that monetary rewards are a risky thing with children. You have to be careful that they don’t develop a sense of entitlement and miss the point of why they are doing the work in the first place. I think my system whereby a rewards chart and or praise is used at the time of the chore/ desirable behaviour being performed is a good one. It’s gentle encouragement, it isn’t building up an expecatation of anything other than acknowledgement of achievements and, lets face it, where ever we go in this here competitive world, acknowledegemnet of achievements is being thrust in our faces in one form or another. At school, we get grades, certificates, badges and titles such as ‘School Captain’ or ‘Dux’. In the workplace, we get raises, promotions, bonuses. In our social networks we get gifts, a pat on the back, proud friends. Wherever we go, in some form or another our achievements are being acknowledged, even if it is just a small thing. So for that matter, as a side note, I definitely don’t agree with parents who say that children should not be praised for their achievements. 

But I digress, the idea of incorporating money at the end of the week, a mere 50 cents I might add, was a way for me to start from a young age to instill a sense of the value of money in my child, a way of teaching her about money in general, counting, adding, saving and later on budgeting and spending wisely. It is not a bribe or made out to be a payment for the work she has done, but a way of showing that we never get anything, especially money, for doing absolutely nothing.

I do agree that some of the things that are on her rewards chart are household things that should just be done. But three years olds are often more interested in playing and it is a well known fact that teaching a three year old the right thing to do is much easier to do in play mode. And, I might add, that is exactly what parenting and the idea of ‘chores’ and rewards charts are all about, not disciplining but t.e.a.c.h.i.n.g!  

Some of the parents from this Facebook group commented that they only paid their children for *extra* chores they did- which they identified as taking the rubbish or recycling out, vacuuming, etc. I fail to see how these are *extra* to what is required to run a household. I think a more appropriate comment is that there is obviosuly a difference between parents as to what is deemed worthy of children helping out with. I might also add, that these parents then attach a monetary value to these *extra* chores. That in istelf, in my opinion, teaches children that every job you do will get you money, as opposed to every job *can* give you {satisfaction}.  

I use the rhythym of the week and the rewards chart to guage the success of my child’s learning to contribute to the household. The 50 cents is really just another way for me to teach another lesson to her about living. I have only been giving her 50 cents a week for a few months, before that she was content with rewards charts and high fives. I am convinced if I wasn’t able to give her 50 cents for her piggy bank her helping around the house wouldn’t stop because I don’t use it as chore money and she doesn’t assocaite it as such. 

I think more time needs to be spent with children teaching them to count money, identify money, use money (let them hand the money to the cashier at the register, let them press the buttons for your debit/credit card), save money, budget money and less time needs to be spent figuring out how much to give them for how many jobs and at what age. 

Here are some ways to start teaching children from a young age the importance and value of money: 

  1. Don’t use money as a reward. Use it as a teaching tool. If Hilary were to have a bad week I would be more inclined to incorporate an end of week lesson in deducting money from her piggybank. What happens to piggy when he has 50 cents taken out? What happens to the coins when we don’t put another 50 cents in- does piggy still get heavier? This way, she is still learning about money and there is still no attachement or link to chores and money, but from it a lesson ensues.
  2. If a child breaks a toy, teach them about cost to repair or replace. Recently Hilary accidentally stepped on a toy. At the end of the week we talked about how much we needed to take out of piggy to fix her toy. She counted how many 50 cents we needed. This extened her memorisation of numeral names and sequence and we discussed how muh lighter piggy felt after taking the money out. It wasn’t a punishment, she was excited to take her money and go to the shops and pay for the new part. And even more excited that she got to do it herself.
  3. Be honest with your children about why they can’t have that lollipop or that game or toy. Let them count the coins in your purse and talk to them about how different the total is to the amount needed for what they want. So many times children trow tantrums in shopping centres because all they get is “No, not today” instead of a respectful explanation and a moment spent teaching. Hilary, I am sure, doesn’t always understand everything that I tell her but I take the time to explain and nine times out of ten I get a response such as “Ok, Mummy doesn’t have money. Maybe we get one next time.” And that is without me prompting her to say it. Don’t under estimate your kids!!
     
  4. Play shop! Everyone has done this at some point in their lives! Make sure you play shop with your kids too, help them make price tags, ask them leading questions, get them thinking about what it is they are imagining. Creative play need not be solitary. And for all you busy parents, I am sure you can sit in the same room whilst on your laptop and shoot a few questions across such as; “How much is that apple” or “Can you help me figure out how much money I have?”
  5. Help them get the language right. When we learn to count we may not have an understanding of what exactly is meant by the number 5. But getting the language and sequencing right is imperitive to understanding and appreciating numbers. It’s the same for money. Teach them words, sequence, and similarities and differences.

Have fun with your kids and make money more about learning and less about rewards and chores. 


Soul Mum xo
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What is Positivity again?!?!

7/6/2010

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I want to write something about positive parenting but the only thing that I am positive about tonight is that my little girl is growing up and doing so at break neck speed! I’ve gone from having a little girl who is willing to please to a child who spends more time on the naughty mat or being told to “please, listen to what mummy has said” than anything else in her rather open schedule. I regret to admit that I have been less than patient of late and I attribute that to my poor management of my emotions during this stressful time of organising to move, meetings with the department of housing and of course organising my second semester of uni for this year. I find myself wondering time and time again how life would differ, not only for me but for my little ‘angel’, if we had a man in our lives. Someone to look after us, provide for us, someone who could take the reigns when all I wanted to do was go and take a nice hot bath and read a book. I feel ‘less than’ and inadequate at times like this when I am losing my voice from having to say things so many times to get Hilary to listen. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I shouldn’t just shut my mouth and let her become so precocious brat with no manners and little respect for adults. I’m tired, I’m only 21 and I feel like I am missing out. I recently joined the Sunny Mummy Sisterhood in the hopes of reminding myself that taking some ‘me’ time will ensure that I can give the best of myself to Hilary. So far I have failed, dismally I might add, at ensuring that I am able to give the best of myself to my daughter. That makes me feel so… crap… I am all she has. I think a nice hot cup of tea and some sleep is in order. Ready to wake up tomorrow with a fresh outlook and hopefully some inspiration and motivation to continue what I have started…  
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    Soul Mum Says:

    Take a walk on the wild side wild side with me, if you dare! Here is a look at single parenting at it's... finest?!

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